it must be one of the oldest and newest feelings on earth - the overwhelming, breath-taking, awe-inducing love and trepidation that sweeps over a woman, and a couple, when her child breathes a first breath. i cannot imagine anything else like it.
i sit in the den, lit by the glow of our christmas tree, and marvel at the sweet soft skin and adorable squeaks (yes, squeaks) and murmurs of my daughter as she sleeps. she is 12 days old. she is perfect.
and we all arrive like this. how can anyone not be filled with love and awe at the thought of this event? how can we learn to see eachother as we were - new, pure and whole, as my mother says: closer to God? we were all there... and we all should be loved as much as our little ezri.
she will, without a doubt, grow and learn and become capable of doing things that will exasperate, bewilder, challenge and even dissapoint us. she will, without a doubt, become her own person full of her own opinions and ideas, thoughts that are unique to herself... and i may not get them all... i know that this tiny, beautiful individual will become so many things. she will always know that in my eyes she is whole and she is perfect.
i may not always succeed in communicating this to her - she may even come to believe at times that she is far from it - but all i see as i watch her sleep is all the good God has found in the two of us, all i see is what i hope He sees in us, and i have a taste of the love our Creator has and the vision He holds for us.
the nights can be long, and sleep patterns have altered drastically, i may at times feel tethered to this little thing, and there may be moments where i gladly will hand her to others who love her so i can rest... but the words to describe us right now sound like peace, contentment, awe, gratitude and perfect.
