ends and beginnings

last week was rough.

i don't know exactly why. we're into our third month in a new home and a totally new place. things are going relatively well. emotionally i was either a zombie or on the verge of a nervy breakdown. finally on thursday i had the good cry i needed precipitated by a remark from someone i barely know to my husband... it didn't matter that what this person said ended up being an opinion and not the truth and that it didn't keep us from doing what we wanted or needed to do, it was just enough to hurt my feelings and get me to sit down on the floor and sob.

i needed it. so badly.

all around me i have loved ones who seem to be at the beginning or end of something. i've spent some hours on the phone listening to a hurting friend or two at the end and some rapturous moments rejoicing about the new beginnings in two others' lives... maybe both reminded me on some level that we are far apart. and that good or bad i can only be so much involved, because of distance in the emotional and physical sense.

and we are so at the beginning and trying our best to find our place. it's exhausting. i've never been very good at doing the cool aloof thing and being all "let them come to me" about making friends. the term i've used lately is "we've been wedging our way in" in reference to everything social and church-y and work. we want this to be good and we want to make friends and be useful.

and i hadn't had a really good cry since we got here.

i mean, we had a good cry the day after we moved into the house and my parents had to leave. that was it. and it was more about the goodbye than the hello. you need a cry for both i think. there's just, all this new! even good can just overwhelm.

and so i had the cry i needed, what's next?

who knows? it's funny though how the universe hears you. after having a good cry and being mad about little things that really won't matter in the long run, good things showed up. meeting new people that are like old friends already and seeing really really good things happening where we've chosen to be.

and here are some other good things...

ezri took her first couple of steps on her own. in the midst of a hectic week with preoccupied mommy brain and too much car time. she also started cutting her two top teeth - yay!

the house is feeling more homey

i am not overwhelmed by housework or projects right now.

new small group study starts this week.

eric and i now have friends who are auburn fans. and we get to watch games on their cable.

i think ez is trying to call me "mi mi" which is hilarious.

i made my first grown up on time student loan payment! no small thing ya'll.

walks, almost fall weather, rain, having people in my home,

oh, and i get to be an auntie again in June... praying for a good pregnancy for my sweet sister in law Melanie.

every week is different, isn't it?