as usual, much has happened. much has changed.
on the fantastically fabulous side: I'M ENGAGED!!!
and feel wonderfully gloriously happy and RIGHT about it all! i am so blessed, and he is so good, and we are so good for eachother and so... real. i like it, and i know deep in my bones that we can make this work and that God will bless us with such a good life together.
on the ridiculously dissapointing and depressing side: i quit my job.
yes, my first out of school theatre job - boo. and it makes me sad, and it makes me question me, but then i also know this is the right choice on multiple levels. i preface it all with, it's a great company but:
- it's not the right place or position for me right now
- i'm not doing _anything_ i want to do, now or ever
- i was promised things that have not materialized
- i need to be closer to my fiance as we prepare for marriage
- i am not healthy here, i am emotionally, spiritually and socially miserable
- i can earn more working retail for a while and pay off debts before heading BACK to school
and every day i think of something new. it's gotten to the point at work where i feel sick constantly, like i'm going to just snap and lose it sometimes... it isn't a difficult or complicated job, it's just combination of all the things i really don't want to do, or care about doing.
i need to care.
so... i will find something i care about, and do that, when God shows it to me. in the mean time, i will work hard at getting the little loose ends of my life tied up as much as they can be... and focus the now stuff.
i'm ready - so ready, to stop this moving around, and this uncertain phase of my life... i'm ready for a little tiny tiny bit of stability. and more moments with eric, who is wonderful and full of surprises and sweet things. he is better every time i see him, and i feel so loved, and so on the same page with him. how did i get this lucky?