okay, my siblings and i are old enough now to admit... there were times when we did actually roll our eyes at our mother. i denied this vehemently during the years american culture expects you to... i did not want to be THAT kind of teenager (instead i was a weird conservative/christian/slightly granola homeschooler) BUT i will now say it: i rolled my eyes when my mother would talk about something she was passionate about.

like breastfeeding. or being a homemaker. or homeschooling. or politics. feminism.

in the last few weeks though, i've realized something incredibly cool about motherhood. it increases your passion, your determination and your commitment levels threefold... at least! i may have occasionally rolled my eyes at my truly incredible mom, but it was with a level of pride in the fact that she is an educated, loving and intelligent woman who has no shame in stating her priorities of God and family first. she is evangelical about all the things that make her life so full and interesting. she is evangelical because she wants others to have the same experiences, because she is a teacher and wants everyone to know good news in any form.

so how is motherhood changing me? what perspectives are being heightened, altered, or opened up for me?

well, i have certainly gotten evangelical. i feel like this should almost be an apology to anyone who "follows" my facebook feed... i am obsessed with cloth diapering, lactivism and parenting articles! i have become what i feared so easily, and i am enjoying it without shame... and without feeling like i've lost my identity.

mommyhood is re-awakening old expectations and desires, hopes i had for my grown up life. so many of the things i am reveling in now are things i'd quietly put away to the back of my heart. after the upheaval of my early twenties, i had told myself that things like babies and hope and a husband that says things like, "i like taking care of you" or "i like that you are your own person", and having the chance to stay at home (*gasp* me? a SAHM?) were chances expired.

someday, i hope i'll remember to share with ezri how she has changed my life for the better from the instant i knew we were expecting her. so many things eric and i choose to do now, we do with greater commitment and vehemence because we know making or breaking habits we have now will *hopefully* help us build a better life for her. i want to get up early in the morning, and she's certainly good at helping with that, and keep going... i want to cut expenses and save and buy smart because every little thing we choose to do now is enabling us to make the best home for her.

so - things on my mind that i hope to share my evangelical fervor about:

- raising girls of substance and dimension in our culture
- breastfeeding and "natural"/baby-led weaning to real people food
- cloth diapering
- frugal and simple living
- our research and first steps in unschooling/homeschooling
- choosing to stay at home with my incredible little girl

nothing truly original i know... but things i feel prompted to talk about, to pass on. this week, i've had the exciting experience of becoming an auntie and it has made me realize already that nearly 3 months of my little girls life has flown by. seeing ian and brittany take their first wonderful and frightening steps into parenthood has increased my love and gratitude to my family and my desire to record my thoughts and feelings right now. i don't know what format all these thoughts will survive on til ezri is ready to read them... by then a "blog" might sound like a telegram or airmail letter is starting to sound to us, but i want her to have a taste of what her mama was like on this cold dry february morning in kansas, 2011.

i feel compelled. maybe i'll even become evangelical.