write, well

i have writer's block when it comes to bible it seems. i've attempted earnestly on many occasions now to write an essay, a 5 page paper, and the mother of all 10 page paper over the last three weeks. and the stress, anxiety or mania monster has come to eat me every time. i'm allergic to bible, sorry god.

okay, so that was slightly blasphemous i suppose... but honestly, that is where i'm at. so far this week, i've been able to make up all but one of my history assignments, make an in-depth power point presentation for lit., and make up three math tests ...

i have to eek these out before the end of the week. it's wednesday.

part of it is that i'm so tired of being in bible-land... part of it is that i am afraid of writing for this professor - the harvard man - and part of it is that until this week i literally felt paralyzed when it came to _any_ of this work.

so maybe typing all this frustration out here will start a writing streak. i need it, desperately. i've read a little, i've thought a little and i've even scribbled outlines. the thing i always hit when it comes to writing thoughtfully about any scripture or doctrine is that i either feel that it's so obvious that i don't need to express it, or that it's so enmeshed in scholarly-lize that i can't understand more than five words.

and all i need to do is find and angle and just start writing. but i don't care. i don't care about these subjects, i tried - i tried to work on a subject that irked me, and came to find out that three others in the class did the same thing. so, of course, now i don't want to do that. you know, i can feel it - i'm running completely out of excuses. this is good. this is really good.

there's so much crap going on for the rest of this week. tomorrow i have to make sure i go to class, make a presentation in lit, and then help with decorating the theatre for spotlight. normally i enjoy spotlight, i look forward to it - right now it's another impediment to my getting things DONE. oh, and then there's the chorale rehearsal that i will miss, again, for our big chapel performance. i should talk to gary about that and tell him i can't do it. i really can't. i don't know the song well, and i haven't earned to privelege of performing it... plus - I HAVE NO TIME!

oh, and then there's friday - chorale performs in chapel, i'll have to make up my last math test over algebra, and make up at least two of the memory verse tests for gardner. by then i need to have turned it at least the essay/outline and the 5 page paper. there, that's a goal, right? in the midst of all this - i need to get to jackson and buy my soon to be sister in law a lingerie shower gift and find food to serve at this gorram shower.

yeah - that's saturday. we have chorale picnic, a must - and something i've looked forward to until like, you know - now. and then this epic lingerie shower that i've felt under duress to arrange. i wanted to... and then there was all this drama around it. gah. stupid.

sunday? church. performance at henderson. 1 acts. the scramble for completion of all sorts of crap before finals...

oh yeah - and then there's 2-D design that i HAVE to salvage. i need to find time to talk to laquita, get a past due project done, buy paper for the final - and then create it before wednesday. in all my free time.

all my free time.

i've worked myself into a state of headache now. all that's left is to write out my master list, own it - then do it.